comics page

note: all jokes &/or graphic animations found in this page are taken from forwarded emails, most of which do not contain or refer to their original sources. nevertheless, many thanks to those unnamed individuals who have shared these entries. laughter, indeed, is a medicine we all need with a daily dosage.
- site administrator

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30 may 2005

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John was dying. His wife, Mary, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber; He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly.

"Mary my darling" he whispered.

"Hush my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk."

He was insistent "Mary," he said in his tired voice, "I have something that I must confess."

There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Mary, "Everything's all right, go to sleep."

"No, no. I must die in peace, Mary. I ... I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"

I know, sweetheart," whispered Mary, "let the poison work."

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26 may 2005

A little boy asked his father " Daddy, how was I born?"

Dad responds, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway. So here goes. Well, you see, your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. Then we sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-up appeared and said 'You've got Male'."

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24 may 2005

JOKE LANG...bato-bato sa langit, ang tamaan...pangit :-)

ON SCHOOLS :

MAHIRAP LAHAT
Sa UP, mahirap ang Math.
Sa Ateneo, mahirap ang English.
Sa La Salle, mahirap ang parking.
Sa Assumption, mahirap ang walang pera.
Sa UST, mahirap umuwi kapag baha.
Sa St. Scho, mahirap sumakay sa LRT
Sa San Beda, mahirap maging lalaki.
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CHRISTMAS SPIRIT
A few days before Christmas, the Monsignor thought it would be a good idea if he solicited the support of a number of schools to get together to create a Nativity Scene in time for the Christmas Mass.

The day before Christmas, the Monsignor discovered that the Nativity Scene was still incomplete so he made a few inquiries on why this was so.

Ateneo reported it could come up with only two and not three wise men.
La Salle reported it could not come up with even a single wise man.
Maryknoll reported that it could not come up with even a single virgin.
San Beda reported that it could only come up with three wise gays.
UP reported that they killed the three wise men.
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QUESTION AND ANSWER
Q: What should an Atenean do when a La Sallite hurls a grenade at him?
A: The Atenean should pick up the grenade, pull the firing pin and hurl it back at the La Sallite.
Q: How do La Sallites count to ten?
A: One, two, three, another, another, and another.
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PASIKATAN NG GRADWEYTS
UP: A number of past Philippine presidents graduated from UP: Presidents Roxas, Quirino, Laurel, Garcia and Marcos, to name just a few!
ATENEO: Hah! That's nothing, a number of Ateneo graduates became national heroes like Jose Rizal, Gen. Gregorio del Pilar, Gen. Antonio Luna, Evelio Javier and many others.
UP: That just goes to show you, UP graduates become presidents and lead countries while Atenean end up getting shot!
LA SALLE: Wala 'yan. Talo kayo sa mga gradweyt namin!
UP & ATENEO: Bakit sino ba ang mga graduates ninyo?
LA SALLE: Aba! Marami kaming sikat na gradweyts; si Gary Valenciano, Dingdong Avanzado, Ogie Alcasid, Monsour del Rosario...
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HOW TO IDENTIFY A LA SALLITE
A La Sallite walks into a store in Mega Mall and says: "Miss, I'd like a green parrot, please."
The salesgirl looks at him and asks: "Sir, are you a La Sallite, by any chance?"
The La Sallite replies: "O... bakit mo naman natanong 'yan? If I ordered BLUE cheese, would you ask me if I were from Ateneo? I don't think so. If I bought a MAROON shirt, would you ask me if I were from UP? I think not. So why then, when I want to buy a GREEN parrot, do you ask me if I'm from La Salle?"
"Sir, kasi naman..." replied the salesgirl, "this is a flower shop, eh."
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A TYPICAL CONVERSATION
Two La Sallites meet on the street and carry on a typical La Sallite conversation:
La Sallite #1: If you can tell me how many chickens I have in this bag, I will give you both of them.
La Sallite #2: Uh, two?
La Sallite #1: Daya mo! You peeked!
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BARKADA SA HUNTING
Tatlong magkaka-barkada: a La Sallite, a UP student, and an Atenean went on a hunting trip.

The first night, the guy from UP comes back to the cabin with a big deer.
The others ask him how he did it, and he replies: "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! I got the deer!"

The next night, the guy from Ateneo comes back also with a big deer. "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! I got the deer!" was the Atenean's story.

Therefore, the La Sallite decides to try it himself. However, the next night, as he drags himself back to the cabin, his two companions find him bruised and bloody all over.

"What happened?" they ask. "Well," replies the La Sallite, "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! A train hit me."
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A MURDER MYSTERY (To be solved solely on the basis of pure logic)
Who committed the murder?

Suspects:
The Humble Atenean
The Bright La Sallite
The Innocent Maryknoller
The Unaffected Assumptionista
The UP Graduate

Culprit:
The UP Graduate

Logic:
No such thing as a Humble Atenean or a Bright La Sallite or an Innocent Maryknoller or an Unaffected Assumptionista.

SUICIDAL SANDWICH
There were three friends: an Atenean, a La Sallite, and a UP student (so you know this story is fictional). Anyway, everyday, they met for lunch and ate their sandwiches.

UP: Putek! Peanut butter sandwich na naman? Sawang-sawa na ako dito ah. Pag bukas, peanut butter sandwich na naman ang baon ko, magpapatiwakal na ako.
Ateneo: Darn! Roast beef sandwich again. I am sick of this already. If I get another roast beef sandwich again tomorrow, I am gonna shoot myself.
La Salle: Oh my gosh, grabe! Ham sandwich is my baon again. I am so sawa with this sandwich na, ha? If my baon tomorrow is ham sandwich again, I am gonna drive my CRV over the cliff.

The next morning, they again met for lunch, and, alas, they had the same
sandwiches again. The UP student went back to his dorm, pulled out a belt, and choked himself to death. The Atenean went home, got a gun, and shot himself in the head. The La Sallite drove his CRV off a cliff.

During their funeral, their mothers were interviewed:
UP: Kung sinabi niya lang sa akin na ayaw niya na nang peanut butter sandwich, eh di sana hindi na yun yung pinabaon ko sa kanya.
Ateneo: If he had told me that he did not want roast beef anymore, I would not have given him roast beef.
La Salle: Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit siya nagpakamatay, eh siya naman yung gumagawa ng sarili niyang sandwich.

o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

BATTLE OF THE BRAINLESS, remember nyo yung show? eto mga excerpts:

Emcee: Sino ang nanalong Miss Universe 1994 noong ganapin ito sa Maynila? Clue, Indian siya!
Contestant #1: Indiana Jones?
Emcee: Hindi, ang initials niya ay SS!
Cont. #2: Stella Strada?
Emcee: Buhay pa siya!
Cont. #1: Stella Suarez?
Emcee: Hindi siya boldstar!
Cont. #2: Alam ko na! Senator Shahani!
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Emcee: Sino ang tinaguriang Concert Queen ng Pilipinas na may initials na PF?
Cont. #1: Pernando Foe?
Emcee: Hindi, mas bata sa kanya!
Cont. #2: Pernando Foe Jr?
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Emcee: Sinong international singer ang nagpunta rito sa Manila para mag-perform na may initials na LP?
Cont. #1: Lourna Pal?
Emcee: Lalaki siya, at taga-ibang bansa siya!
Cont. #2: L-vis Presley?
Emcee: Another clue, Italyano siya.
Cont. #1: Signore L-vis Presley?
Emcee: Buhay na buhay pa siya, 'no?
Cont. #2: Signore L-vis Presley, Live in Manila!
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Emcee: Hay naku, recreation na nga lang tayo. Saan nagpupunta ang mga Pilipino kapag tag-init para maligo? Starts with B!
Cont. #1: Banyo?
Emcee: Hindi, kapag nagpunta ka rito, maaarawan ka!
Cont. #2: Bubong?
Emcee: Last clue, maraming magagandang babaeng naka-skimpy bikini rito.
Cont. #1: Ah! Beerhouse!
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Emcee: Ano ang tawag mo sa taong sumasagip sa mga nalulunod sa beach? Clue, starts with L!
Cont. #1: Lifebouy!
Emcee: Hindi, pero katunog din ng isang sabon!
Cont. #2: Safeguard?
Emcee: Hindi pa rin, pero pagsamahin mo ang dalawang nabanggit na sabon!
Cont. #1: Safeboy?
Emcee: Hindi siya boy at matipuno ang katawan niya!
Cont. #2: Mr. Clean?
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Emcee: Ano naman ang ginagamit natin para lumutang tayo sa dagat? Clue, starts with letter S.
Cont. #1: Sirena?
Emcee: Hindi ito babae!
Cont. #2: Siyokoy?
Emcee: Hindi rin ito lalake!
Cont. #1: Siyoke?
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Emcee: Last question sa dagat. Anong hayop sa dagat ang may walong
tentacles? Clue, starts with Octo!
Cont. #1: October?
Emcee: Hayop, hindi buwan, walo nga ang tentacles, eh.
Cont. #2: Octo walo?
Emcee: Hindi, another clue, malambot ang katawan nito.
Cont. #1: OctoArts Dancer?
Emcee: Nagtatapos sa letrang S.
Cont. #2: OctoArts Dancers?
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Emcee: Kanino ipinangalan ang dating Manila International Airport na may initials na NA?
Cont. #1: Nora Aunor!
Emcee: Hindi, dati siyang senador!
Cont. #2: The former Senator Nora Aunor?
Emcee: Mali pa rin, ang nickname niya ay nagtatapos sa Y.
Cont. #1: The former Senator GuY Aunor?
Emcee: Last clue, patay na siya!
Cont. #2: Waahhh
Emcee: Bakit ka umiiyak?
Cont. #2: Sabi n'yo po kasi, patay na si Nora Aunor!